Forget anything else I've ever told you I hate. Forget prostitots, forget saturdays spent cleaning, forget the underfunded school budget. This tops them all, and until the day I die I will forever look back upon this one thing which caps the pyramid of Total Suckitude and cringe with the all-encompassing rage and disgust I am feeling right now.

What is this heinous, foul crime against humanity that's gotten Michelle so steamed up, you ask? I'll tell you, dear friend. I'll tell you:

"My Super Sweet Sixteen".

This show, aired only on MTV (as far as I know and hope, as the channel is already covered in bad publicity ever since they stopped airing its namesake - a.k.a. MUSIC - and so can't possibly hurt its ratings any more) is the epitome of showcasing the absolute worst of the human race: the spoiled 16-year-old girl. Basically what it does is follow the process of a girl and her family planning the end-all-beat-all party of the year to celebrate this less-than-important milestone. It is supposedly the "example" of what all 16th birthday parties are made after: renting a hotel ballroom to throw a spectacular bash to cater to over two hundred people and ending in the birthday girl getting a convertable or two.

It was, without a doubt, the most obscene and wasteful hour of my life I have ever spent. Without question I should have changed the channel or even turned off the TV and spent that time gouging out my face with a rusted crowbar, as that would have been far more enjoyable to watching this brats carouse through their petty lives. But I didn't. And so you benefit from my explaining to you just what this show means.

It means that there are literally hundreds of thousands of pre-teenaged girls who will now expect that their parents will bankrupt the family in order to give them a "proper sweet 16". It means that the IQ of the average TV watcher who stumbles across this show will drop even more sufficiently, and they can't take that kind of hit as it is. It means that there is one less channel to watch for those of us who do not shell out for OnDemand.

These girls are brats. Spoiled, selfish, disgusting whorish rat-brained sad excuses for what one day is supposed to be a respectable human being. They are the reason there is misogynism in the world. They are the dregs of teenage filth, and in my personal opinion are a worse waste of mass than a burnt-out druggie by the bus station. At least the druggie isn't hurting anyone but himself and maybe his immediate family if they still care.

These girls are using my natural resources and breathing my air. If I ever met one of them on the street, I wouldn't waste the effort to spit on them. If money were no object, I'd love to personally ensure that they spent no less than the rest of their teenage lives in a military boot camp, where no one gives a crap if they didn't like the centerpieces at their party tables and give-me-20-or-I'll-lose-my-boot-up-your-back-end.

I'm slightly spoiled. I'll admit it. I have food when I'm hungry, I have more than my fair share of clothes, I have a heated and air-conditioned home and I own a computer. To billions of people all over the world, I live like a princess. But to see the wanton waste of money, energy, emotions and supplies that these girls demand for one single party disgusts me. And then to document it for the viewing pleasure of the general populace...there should be a law.

Raise your hand if you've ever wanted to drop-kick an early-teenaged girl in her ovaries and then right-hook her uterus just to ensure that she'll never reproduce. With any luck, the internal bleeding and hemorrhaging will kill her right there and then we'll never have to worry about her sweet-21.