If I Did It, I Would Have Been A Great Deal Smarter Than Whoever Did Do It

By: Michelle

Let's discuss the local events, shall we?  Please, sit down.  Are you comfortable?  Good, because these are dark times we are in.  So let the light from the fire warm you as the shadows creep in from without.

Recently we found ourselves evacuated from the school because of a bomb threat scribbled on a bathroom wall.  You may be acquainted with this through the group I survived Lenape's bomb threat and half-froze my ass off doing it.  (That's a Facebook group, just so you know, and I couldn't help plugging my own work.)  It was three and a half hours outside on the frozen soccer field while the bomb squad went through the building.  In short?  Not fun.  I would know - that fool idiot wearing nothing but a skin-thin tee-shirt and jeans, jumping up and down like a cat on crack just to stay warm?  That was me.  Look me up sometime; I'll be here all week.  Free autographs; appearance fees apply.

Anyways, yesterday there was a threat to kill everyone at the school, but since it was discovered at the end of the day, they let everyone go home or stay after like normal and just had a faculty meeting.  (God forbid they try to protect the after-school kids.)  This morning, however, everyone entering the building had to be searched.  The administration claimed that a phone message went out last night regarding it.  No one, apparently, received this message.  This leads me to two conclusions:

1.  That the faculty is covering their own asses by claiming that notice was given when actually, it wasn't. That way, if anyone accused them of offending the 4th Amendment, they could blame the students.  "No, officer, we called them.  We let them know that we were exacting the right to search them.  Probable cause and all that, Judge.  You understand, thanks.  Now take this nice packet of tax-payer's money and run along now."

2.  That if the faculty had any higher-level brain functions, they'd know that telling everyone that they were searching bags on Friday would in fact discourage the offending student from trying anything that day and would in fact encourage them to do it the day after, i.e. next Tuesday. 

Yes!  Let's give the psychopath a heads-up so he'll have a good sporting chance!  Brilliant!

Not only that, but they still allowed students outside to transfer between classes.  Anyone who knew about the search could just as easily hide the weapon in a bush, go through the search, and just wait until between periods to go grab it.  No harm, no foul.

I say just be done with it and either install the metal detectors or line all the freshmen up and spank 'em one by one.  They're being very naughty and trying to make Lenape into gang territory. 

Bad, bad ninth-graders.  If you're going to act like superfly bombshit little gangsters, we're going to treat you like superfly bombshit little children.